Infertility...

You might think that the number one thing I am emailed about would be my brother.  Nope.

You might think that the number one thing I am emailed about would be food.  Nope.

The number one thing I am emailed about is infertility.  

Some of you are new to the blog, some of you are old friends.  No matter which you are, you know that my two precious kids are the most important things in the world to me.  Andrew and I thank God for them every single day...they have filled us with more joy and love then we ever thought possible.  However, they did not come easily...my road to mommyhood was long...bumpy...hard...sad...frustrating...and necessary.  I am the mom I am today because I had the journey I had.  This is my story...

Andrew and I had been married for several years, we had a puppy, a new house, two good cars, a savings account, and our own business going...we were ready for that next chapter in our lives to begin...parenthood.  It was time to become parents...or so we thought.

After 5 months of not getting pregnant, I went to see my doctor for some answers.  I remember leaving that appointment and calling my mom in the car.  I was 25 years old and the doctor had just told me that he wasn't sure if I would ever be able to get pregnant.  I cried and cried and cried.

My doctor didn't mess around with mild fertility drugs...he pulled out the big guns right away.  From that point on, I began taking 2 types of fertility drugs a day plus Andrew would give me 4 shots in my stomach daily.  Between the pills and the injectable medicines, they were trying to get my body capable of being pregnant.  A few months passed and we decided it was time to try an Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).  I had the IUI in mid-May and on Memorial Day 2007, I found out I was pregnant.  Being the big-mouthed, never holds anything in kind of gal I am, I immediately told my entire family and all of my friends.  We went to the doctor, everything looked great and my pregnancy was in full swing.  I had horrible 24/7 morning sickness almost immediately and had every symptom in the book of a healthy pregnant gal.  

On June 25, I went in for my routine checkup (I was almost 9 weeks pregnant) and they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat.  I was devastated.  The baby was gone.  My D&C was scheduled for the next morning and that was it...I wasn't pregnant any more.

Between that day and December 8, I would go on to have 5 more IUIs...all failures.  I took so many hormones, so many pills, had so many needles jabbed into my stomach...I was a mess.  Finally, on December 16, when we received confirmation that my 6th IUI had failed, we decided to proceed with Invitrofertilization (IVF).  We filled out the paperwork, paid the money, had the affidavits signed and picked mid-January to start.  It was Christmas, and all I wanted to do was enjoy the holiday season minus the pills and needles to the belly.

This is us in Chicago during that month...we went Christmas shopping and tried to forget our sadness.

On January 16, 2008, I was ready to start the IVF procedure.  My doctor called and said for me to take a routine pregnancy test before I began my meds (something I did frequently...they wouldn't write a prescription until they knew for sure I wasn't pregnant).  During my lunch break, I grabbed a pregnancy test and decided to take it at work so that my doctor would call in my prescription.  I took it...and it was positive.

I remember staring at it for a long, long time.  Fortunately, Andrew and I worked together, so I went into his office and told him my pregnancy test was positive.  Being the typical cynical Shull that he is, he said it was probably wrong.  I called my fertility doctor and told them what happened...they asked me to come in for blood work right then and low and behold...I was actually pregnant.

After thousands of dollars, 6 IUIs, a miscarriage, a D&C and more drugs then I'll ever be able to count, I became pregnant without any of it.  God likes to show his glory and might on his own terms in unexpected ways...he gave me my miracle baby.  And on September 15, 2008, I gave birth to Kensington Kate.

Kensington was worth the wait!

Then...God thought he would really make his point clear, and on June 5, 2009, I found out I was pregnant again...and I had a 6 month old.  

Smith William arrived on January 18, 2010 and was my best surprise!

After all of that money...all of that trying...all of the doctor appointments...all of the prayers...God gave me two freebies.  Kensington and Smith came on the Lord's terms...on the Lord's time...and it was exactly what I needed.  I just didn't know it before.

I am a big believer in fertility doctors...please don't get me wrong.  I was blessed with wonderful doctors that loved me and cared for me and did everything they could to try and help me get pregnant.  But the bottom line is...they could use all of the medicine in the world and create the absolute most perfect conditions for conception but unless God wants to bring a human being into this world, nothing they do can create a baby.

Even though I'm five years past infertility, I still have a huge heart for moms that can't conceive.  I don't care whether you're trying to have your first or your fifth...whether you've been trying two months or 10 years, I have an aching heart for you.  I pray for each and every woman that emails me about their struggles.  From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for your pain.  I wish I could tell you that one day, you'll conceive a child but I just can't.  What I can tell you is that God is in control...the Lord loves you so much...and he has never left the plan for your life.  Trust in the Lord and he will bless you more than you could ever know.

My two favorite scriptures are Jeremiah 29: 11, "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future.".  And I also love the Message's version of Ephesians 3:20. "God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams."

Four wonderful things happened to me through infertility...
The first two are of course, Kensington and Smith.  Without my struggles, they wouldn't have arrived.

My third blessing was my dear friend Erika.  She and I bonded over the fact that we were both having fertility issues.  Our mutual friend Whitney told us that we should be friends because we were both trying to get pregnant and having issues...well, we bonded over our sorrows and then the Lord blessed us times four!  Within 18 months, we had 4 kids!  Without my fertility struggles, I wouldn't be as close to Erika as I am today...and my kids wouldn't be the same ages as her sweet kids.  I am so thankful that infertility brought me Erika.

Four special kiddos

And finally, if it weren't for my struggles, I wouldn't be able to relate to so many of you.  I count you in my blessings and am praying for you.  Thank you for sharing with me and trusting me with your struggles.  I love you all!

Fifty Two Shades of Shay: Pregnancy

  I've been pregnant three times for a total of 86 weeks...so it's about time that I made it a Shade of Shay!

My first pregnancy lasted 9 weeks before I miscarried, my second pregnancy lasted 39 weeks and my third and final pregnancy lasted 38 weeks.  I blogged during Kensington and Smith's pregnancies but I've never done one Shade of Shay on being pregnant, so let's remedy that, shall we?

Here's what happened during my pregnancies...

I found out I was pregnant for the first time on May 26, 2007.  Andrew and I had been trying to have a baby for a year and had done our very first intrauterine insemination (IUI) to get this pregnancy.  I was 25 years old and been told that my reproductive organs were aging faster than my body and that we may or may not be able to conceive, so this pregnancy felt like the end of a marathon.  We had gone on this long journey to get here, and we were so grateful and relieved to finally be expecting a baby.  My due date was February 7, 2008.

I'm not much of a secret keeping kind of person...I feel like everything is better when it's all out there, so we told our family and several friends that we were expecting.  I always feel like if I'm going to tell them about a miscarriage, I should tell them about a pregnancy.  So anyone I knew I would tell in the event of a miscarriage, I told about the pregnancy (I did this all 3 times).  For me, this was a good gauge of who to tell.

Pregnancy symptoms...I pretty much began throwing up every single day right away.  I immediately hated food yet gained 4 pounds.  I was tired, I didn't enjoy going to work, and I was always sick.

On June 25, when I was just about 9 weeks pregnant, I went in for a typical visit and we learned that this baby did not make it.  Worst day of my life.  Without a doubt.

My doctors scheduled my D&C for the following morning and just like that...what I thought was the end of my marathon, my mile 26, was just my beginning.

Over the next six months, I did 5 more IUIs...and they all failed.

On January 16, 2008, I was at work one day when my doctor called and said it was time to start my IVF meds.  I had taken the previous month off to enjoy the holiday season and therefore stopped all of my fertility drugs.  We had decided to kick off the new year with an IVF and it was time for her to call me in a prescription.  The routine thing to do is always take a home pregnancy test before you begin any fertility drugs...so, I ran next door to CVS and bought one and then took it in restroom of mine and Andrew's office.  And it was positive.

What?

Excuse me?

Positive?

Yes.

I walked into Andrew's office and told him it was positive and he looked as confused as I was.  After almost two years of trying and six IUIs, how did I randomly get pregnant?  I immediately called my doctor and headed to her office and yup...I was preggers.  Without trying.  I was due September 21.

This was me, Erika and Whitney on the day I found out I was pregnant.  We all went to dinner that night to celebrate Rusty's birthday which was 2 days later on January 18 (keep that date in mind as you read on).  I told the girls I was pregnant and they were so excited for me!  At this time, Erika was also having her own fertility struggles but she could not have been happier for me.  Such a sweet friend.

Here are some quick facts about this pregnancy:

1. We decided not to find out the sex of the baby.

2. I continued to work full time during this pregnancy.

3. We told people we were close to early on and then other people at 12 weeks (Valentine's Day).  

4. I gained 34 pounds total

5. I lived off of Pringles (something I didn't eat before and don't eat now)

6. I read a lot of pregnancy books but I found The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs to be the most realistic and hilarious.

7. I had to buy mostly work related maternity clothes since that's what I wore every day.

8. I continued to exercise in the mornings before work.

9. I had morning sickness the entire nine months.

10. We kept what we were naming the baby a secret.  We didn't reveal name or find out gender until birth.

11. During this pregnancy, I met this girl named Sheaffer who was also pregnant and due on almost the exact same day as me...and well, I guess you can say, the rest is history ;).

Andrew and I went to Italy during this pregnancy...here we are in Capri.  

We always knew from the beginning that we didn't want to know the sex of our babies.  We just thought it would be more fun to wait and find out on the big day.  And for us, it really was!  Our nursery looked like this...

...and then I knew I would buy more girl things or more boy things after the delivery to change it up.  

As for baby clothes and baby showers, I had one big shower before the baby was born and received all of that baby gear stuff that is non-gender specific (Bumbo, car seat, bouncer, bottles, etc), and then I had a sip and see after the baby was born for more specific stuff.  I went shopping and bought both girl and boy stuff and then kept the receipts.  After the baby was born, I had fun exchanging half of the stuff for more girl things :).

These are my two cousins and me at my baby shower.  I was probably 34 or 35 weeks here.

As for my morning sickness, apparently, that's just how I'm made.  I genuinely was sick every day up until and including the days I gave birth.  I took everything I could to help with it but nothing worked...I just don't do pregnancies well.  I survive and cope through the entire thing.  I learned how to be sick and work at the same time...I even learned how to be sick and drive at the same time.  It was just awful and really sucked most of the joy out of my pregnancies.  God gave me sweet babies but boy did I have to work hard to get them.

This is dated July 16, 2008...almost two months to the day before sweet Kensington was born.  We had 4D sonograms with both babies to see them more closely and we just asked the tech not to reveal their gender.  Look at that sweet mouth!  It reminds me of this picture...

This is Kensington at 18 months old :).

On the evening of Sunday, September 14, I went in to be induced.  I know this is controversial and I know many of you don't do the whole induction early thing...but listen, I was tired of throwing up.  I was exhausted from it.  My doctor just knew I was done.  Emotionally and physically, done.  A girl can only throw up all day every day for so long before she just really deserves some relief.  The baby was healthy, all was good and it was time to meet him/her.

At 1:30 pm the following day, the baby's heart rate kept dropping and so my doctor decided it was time for a c-section.

And at 2:34 pm, I became a mom.  Kensington Kate Shull was born weighing 6 pounds and 9 ounces, measuring 18 inches long.  To date, this is the best day of my life.  I became a mom.  I had finally reached mile 26 of my marathon.

And that's the end of Pregnancy #2.  XOXO

And then...there was Pregnancy #3.

It was June 7, 2009 and I had a 8 month old daughter and was getting braces on that morning.  I know...braces.  I had been dealing with some health issues for years and years and finally found a team of doctors who knew how to fix the problem.  I would be needing braces, my tonsils removed and myofuncional therapy.  I was dreading all of it.  Our local photographer came over and took a few pics of us to celebrate our 8 month old and so that I could have a few family pictures before the dreaded braces...

...but here's the thing.  I woke up the morning of June 7, opened my eyes and instantly knew I was pregnant.  Instantly.  Because as soon as my eyes opened, I needed to throw up...and I did.  But there is a difference between morning sickness sick and regular sick...and because I was an expert on morning sickness sick, I just knew.  

Andrew was at the gym and I had a random home pregnancy test stashed around my house (because when you used to be a girl with fertility issues, you bought those babies in bulk!), and as soon as I took it, it read positive.  I had a 9:00 am appointment to get braces put on and I just found out that I was pregnant.  Again.  Without trying.  How did that keep happening to me????

I left for the orthodontist and I told Andrew to make me an OB appointment and to text me the time he made it.  As soon as my braces were on (lovely), I drove straight to the OB and guess what?  Not only was I preggers, I was 8 weeks preggers?  Due January 28, 2010...here we go again.

Here are some quick facts about this pregnancy:

1. We didn't find out the sex (again) or discuss baby names (again).

2. I was a stay at home mom this go around, so I mostly wore sweats all day long.

3. I lived off of PB&J and Natural Cheetos.  I would eat that meal breakfast, lunch and dinner.

4. This time, I threw up so much that I had to go to the hospital for fluids.

5. I did Baby Boot Camp (stroller based fitness) with Kensington during this pregnancy.  This was something I started when K was six weeks old and continued it throughout my pregnancy.

5. I gained 35 pounds total.

6. I felt like I had just read those pregnancy books, so I didn't feel it necessary to read them again.

Andrew and I went back to Italy (and Switzerland) during this pregnancy.  Apparently, I crave authentic Italian food when expecting.

I climbed up on a rock wall and trespassed so that I could see George Clooney's house in Lake Como, Italy (above).  I kept thinking, surely Mr. Clooney won't have a pregnant girl with braces from Texas arrested, right?

We did another 4D sonogram to check out Baby #2.  I loved that nose from the very beginning...

...Smith at 4 days old.

Kensington had her 15 month photo shoot and my belly participated.

Holding Baby #1 with Baby #2 inside :).

This was the only belly shot I could find with this baby...this was Christmas morning, 3 weeks before I delivered.  There is snow on the ground and I have a giant kid in my stomach...and there is a good chance I just threw up.  Seriously.

My doctor told me I could pick any date between January 18 and January 28 for my scheduled c-section (because listen...I loved that first c-section so much that I absolutely wanted a second one!), and of course I said January 18 (I wanted that kid OUT!).  So, here we are on January 18, 2010 ready to deliver.

  I have my beachy hair, my jewelry on and full makeup.  This was the best and simplest delivery ever.

And for kicks, that morning, I went into labor before I even left for my scheduled c-section.  Smith knew it was his birthday...and he was coming out one way or the other.

It was a Monday and on this year, Martin Luther King Junior Day.  

And at 12:30 pm, I met my boy.  Smith William Shull was born weighing 8 pounds even at 20 inches long. 

 That afternoon, my cousin Casey pointed out that he would be an easy baby because 1. He started labor on the day he was due. 2. He was born at exactly 12:30. 3. His weight and length were all even and rounded numbers.

And boy was Casey right :).  Easiest baby ever.

And so, I'm done with being pregnant.  Done.  I knew Smith was my last baby to carry.  I just really knew it.  I also knew that I was a three kid kind of girl...so, I let God work out the details.  And here I am...about to be a three kid mama but with only two babies that I delivered.  I'm extremely blessed that some other woman chose life in another country.  She chose to carry and give birth to my daughter. I am extremely blessed and humbled that she would sacrifice so much to give birth to a baby that will forever be my child.  Ashby London will have her own story...I'm hoping to be near mile 26 on this adoption journey...but you just never know.

And on the foodie blog today...a simple 5 ingredient pie that you don't have to bake!  Yummy!

My easy Cherry Pecan Pie will be your new favorite!

And don't forget, my Stella & Dot Trunk Show and Giveaway is going on!  

Click here for details.