Fifty Two Shades of Shay: Girlfriends

I love my girlfriends.

  Having a Shade of Shay about friendship seems only natural...because I absolutely adore my friends.

 I've always been a girl's girl.   I love having female friendships in my life.

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know that without my girlfriends, I would be lost.  I love, need and depend on them so much.  They are often my rock.

  

 I get this question a lot!  How did I meet my friends?  I meet friends in a lot of very typical places.  First of all, I do have several friends that I've known since childhood.  I cherish these friendships because these women know where I'm from, how I was raised and how I became the person I am today.  For the most part though, most of my friends today are people I've met since adulthood.  Here are some of the places I've met friends:

Church

The gym

Mommy activities (for me, it was Baby Boot Camp)

Work

Other parents with kids in Kensington's dance/gymnastics classes

Through other friends

Neighbors

Parents of kids at my kids' school

Obviously I know people from other places but since most of my life these days revolves around my kiddos and immediate family, this is where I spend my time and thus, develop outside relationships.  I do think you have to be out there to meet people (whether that's just outside to meet your neighbors or out doing an activity you love...it's hard to make friends if you don't ever leave your house).

Some friendships are old, some are new, some are very deep and some are just friendly.  No matter what, they're great relationships with other women.

Yes and no.

I think I'm drawn to people with similar values and morals because those things are so important to me that I am attracted to people that also love those things.  

That being said, I'm friends with a variety of women...some work full time, some stay home, some have a lot of kids, some have no kids, some are married, some are single, some are conservative, some are liberal, some breastfeed until their kids are older, some don't at all, some are strict with their diets, some eat anything, some vaccinate their kids, some don't, some home school, some do private school and some do public, some are divorced, some have been married a long time, some are old and some are young.  

They're all different women with different priorities and life stories.  It would be boring if my friends were all just like me.

 I get this question a lot through email.  Apparently, there is a lot of arguing going on in some of your adult friendships.  I do not argue with my friends.  To me, there is no point.   If you're in a friendship with a lot of arguing, I would ask you why you're in that friendship?  I don't like to be weighed down with heaviness that comes from toxic relationships.  I think the reason why I can hang out with a bunch of women and not argue is because we do a few things really well...

1. We don't talk about each other.  I don't call up Erika and talk bad about Sheaffer.  No way!  If I have a problem with Sheaffer (which I never do!), I will just tell Sheaffer.  And vice versa.

2. We don't gossip about each other.  Gossip will lead you straight down a dark path.  Gossiping between friends will get you in an ugly situation.  Fast.

3. We are secure with our friendships.  Sometimes, Andrea and Sheaffer hang out...sometimes, Erika and Sarah hang out, sometimes, Andrea and I hang out and on and on and on...we can mix and match our friendships without always feeling like we have to include everyone.  Just because Sheaffer and Narci go to the mall together on a Tuesday doesn't mean they like each other more than me.  It just means they went to the mall together.  They didn't have to invite me.  I don't need to worry/fret/get upset about it.  Their friendship with each other shouldn't make me doubt my friendships with each of them.  They are separate things.

4. We are genuine.  Geez.  This is big for me.  If I'm having a bad day, problem, issue, or whatnot, I tell my friends and they do the same with me.  I don't go around pretending life is all cheery and rosy all the time.  Trust me, we are brutally honest about our lives...with no judgement.  I think this is one big reason why my friends and I all click without arguing...we're not fake.  We don't sit around and just talk about negative stuff...but listen, if something is wrong in one of our lives, we discuss it.  We are very honest and open.  I find that it's hard not to love really genuine people.

Social media can be the root of all evil.

 Heavens.  I was at Kensington's dance class this past Wednesday reading Marie Claire magazine and trying to enjoy 45 minutes of silence when 3 ladies sat down at the table with me and started talking about how someone they knew had posted stuff on FB that they just knew was directed straight at them.  They were so mad/upset/angry over this chick's FB status and her passive aggressive way of being mean to them.  Holy cow.  How old are we?

There are a lot of ways FB can annoy you.  Your friends complain too much, your friends post too many pictures of their kids, your friends only put good stuff out there and not anything negative, your friends put too much negative stuff out there and nothing good, your friends post too many pictures of their kids, your friends post too many pictures of the weather, your friends post too many pictures of their kids and your friends post too many pictures of their kids.

Seriously, Face Book can be annoying.  If you can't ignore it, avoid it.  That's all I can say.  I'm not going to let a website ruin my friendships or be a constant source of anxiety for me.  

 I'm a big believer that friendships have seasons.  Some seasons, last a lifetime and some seasons are shorter.  Just because it's the end of a season doesn't mean the season itself was bad...it was just short.  

A few times in my life, I have had to step away from a friendship.  I just don't have energy to be in a friendship that doesn't feel genuine and positive.  If I'm working really hard to be in a friendship with someone and yet, we're still not clicking, I back away.  It just wasn't meant to be at that particular time in our lives.  We can all still be nice, loving and supportive but in my opinion, there is just nothing wrong with backing away and focusing on relationships that are more positive.

And once or twice, I've had to actually tell someone that we should not be friends any more.  Hard, hard, hard decisions that I didn't take lightly...but they were necessary.  I'm not going to use energy that I could be spending on my husband and kids worrying and fretting about a relationship that just isn't healthy.

I wouldn't have a single girlfriend if I wasn't a good friend to them.  Friendships are two way streets.  Sometimes, I need them more than they need me and sometimes, they need me more.  

I think I'm a good friend because I'm fiercely loyal to my girls...I would do anything for them.  I think I'm a pretty good listener and am genuinely concerned for them.  I pray for my friends, I pray with my friends, I drop what I'm doing if I need to help my friends, I love my friends for who they are and don't ask or expect them to change and I laugh with my friends.  A lot.

I just love my girlfriends.

And as fun as my Shade of Shay series is...wedges, nail polish, beachy hair and such is just fluff.  My faith, my family and my friends are what gets me through each and every day.

I feel so blessed to have a community of girlfriends in my life.

And on a similar note...you know what my girlfriends love?  When I make them food :).  They really loved these...

...my simple little Lucky Charms Treats.

XOXO